The Grapevine Love Doctor
People assume that most marriages fail because of big bombs—cheating, financial mismanagement, addiction, dishonesty, but the truth is, it’s the small, everyday action or lack of action—that severs the connection between two people, resulting in a loss of love.
It seems all fun and games until you actually get married. What people tend to miss out on the most these days is whether or not they are ready to spend their entire life with this same person? At times we demand more independence than our partner is willing to give us; but, the temporary love that we feel for that person overshadows it for some time. This naturally results in cheating on our partner with someone else. Another reason could be interdependence. This is when you feel like your intimacy needs aren’t being met by your partner, which is often visible through poor communication, lack of spark, or feeling unloved.
Here is a list of things you should look out for to know that your spouse is having another affair.
Your spouse is too cool about the cell phone
Your immediate reaction when you get to know your spouse is cheating on you is to check their phones. Generally, partners are inclined towards immediately checking their phone (at times with their consent) and scroll through texts and incoming/outgoing calls. The thing to ponder on the most is that why would he give you his phone? And if he does give you full access, he either has a second phone or have deleted all of his call history and texts. Because no one is that dumb!
Or, he won’t let you near his phone
He may have passwords on his phone, something that he has never before. They may not even let their kids play with it, something that they used to do very often. Red flag alert!
Passwords should be shared in a marriage; there are random times when you need the phone number for the plumber and it’s in your husband’s phone or email account, or you need to check an e-receipt that was sent to your husband. “It’s not that you need a list of his passwords, but when you ask for one for la legitimate reason, he should give it to you. This should not be a big deal. By not telling you the code, your spouse may be admitting to a secret of some sort.
He smells differently
When he or she leaves the house in the morning smelling like their usual fragrance and returns in the evening smelling like something else. If your partner smells impossibly fresh and clean after a hard day at the office, OR if they smell a different fragrance from the one he/she wear, could be the affair has already started.
He’s changed his appearance
Forget the obvious (the wedding rings accidentally replaced on the wrong finger or they dropped it down a drain) – look for subtle changes. Like, Is he hitting the gym and revamping his wardrobe without a word of criticism or encouragement from you? Could be he’s out to impress someone who’s caught their eye. A sudden change in your partner’s music taste may also be alarming for you, especially if they hated that particular genre before.
They no longer want you to do laundry
You may be very happy at first that, he has started doing his own laundry. But why such change, is the real question. Your spouse is probably trying to hide some evidence on his clothes, in his/her pants or in the pockets and it’s much safer for someone who’s cheating to do their own laundry
A sudden need for privacy
If things the two of you used to share openly suddenly become private pay attention then something is probably up. He/she may start password protecting computer activity. Cell phone and credit card bills may be hidden. If you ask why or attempt to find out information that used to be common knowledge between the two of you, you will be accused of snooping or trying to control your spouse.
He has a special Facebook/Watsapp friend
Experts say social media have made it easier for people who are inclined to cheat on their significant other to do so with partners both familiar and previously unknown. In today’s era when friendships are judged on the basis of actions displayed on the internet it is easier to judge what is your partner up to these days. He may have this special someone who keeps tagging him on all the memes or write inappropriate stuff on his Facebook page, twitter or Watsapp. You may want to confront your partner here.
There are blackouts
Blackout here doesn’t refer to being unconscious but about a spouse having blackout periods where you don’t know where he or she is, you can’t reach them, and you don’t get a viable explanation about where they’ve been or why they didn’t respond to a call or text. It hardly takes two seconds to send a text and it’s not normal for a married or seriously committed couple to be out of touch for hours wondering what the heck is going on
They have new hobbies that exclude you
Of course their new hobbies would exclude you. Although it’s wonderful news if your partner takes on a new hobby especially if it contributes to his/her health, but concerns should arise. Is it something that just appeared out of the blue or did he always had a passion for it? Secondly, do they devote an unusual amount of hours and efforts into it?
Behavior that just doesn’t add up
Is it very common for your spouse to not be at the place where he was expected to be? Are they missing time behind which they have no genuine reasoning? Do they have receipts from place you’ve never even heard about let alone be go to. Is he missing clothes from his wardrobe? This kind of behavior should be an alarming sign for you. You have reasons to suspect cheating.
Things you’ll hear
Once you confront them, you’ll hear things like we’re just friends or other lost commonly used phrase is that I need you to respect my privacy. That’s an alarming sign, guys.
You’re doing all the work in the relationship
The person, who gives the most in a relationship, is the person who is less likely to having an affair or cheat because he is the one who is trying to make this relationship work. He is the one who really looks after it and nurtures it, so he naturally wouldn’t want to tear it apart.
The problem arises where they are so fixated on the relationship that they forget the person they’re building it with. They are all about building a nice home and a financial future but tend to ignore the needs of their partner.
Less talking
If he has generally stopped sharing stuff or is talking less, it could be because he is scared of slipping up. He’ll automatically not want to tell you everything he has been up to lately or what was he doing when you weren’t around.
Your friend drops hints
If your partner’s been seen with someone else or confided to a friend who’s then told their partner, friends may try to warn you.
Men are more likely to cover up for each other; women feel obliged to give some sort of warning, no matter how subtle. While few people will blurt the news out, many give themselves away by making indirect comments. But its better you blurt it out, you may save a life or two.
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