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    THE POWER OF SOUL TIES: What Every Woman Should Know Before You Have Sex With Any Man

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    Sex is a tridimensional experience: spirit, soul, and body. Anytime you have sex with a person you bond with them. Whenever a person is sexually involved with another person, neurochemical changes occur in both their brains that encourage emotional behaviour, emotional bonding. Limbic bonding is the reason casual sex doesn’t really work for most people on a whole mind and body level. Two people may decide to have sex ‘just for the fun of it,’ yet something is occurring on another level that they might not have decided on at all: sex is enhancing an emotional bond between them whether they want it or not. One person, often the woman, is bound to form an attachment and will be hurt when a casual affair ends. One reason it is usually the woman who is hurt most is that the female emotional behaviours are larger than the male’s.
    This is what we call soul ties. Sex is like gluing two pieces of wood together and the next day ripping them apart. Of course, wood from the opposite board remains on each board. A piece of your sex partner (the good, bad, and ugly) stays with you (and vice versa) for the rest of your life. You can only imagine what it looks like when you bond with multiple partners.
    Unhealthy soul ties are often the ramifications of having partners that you create a life-long bond with through a sexual encounter(s), but with whom you only have a short-term relationship with. The bond (soul tie) remains long after the relationship is over, leaving both sexual partners longing for wholeness.

    CONFESSION FROM A WOMAN IN A WRONG RELATIONSHIP
    I was in a relationship where I saw no way out. A constant tug of war between my mind and my heart, there became a breaking point where I wasn’t sure if I was coming or going. The rational part of me was looking for the nearest escape every moment of every day. The emotional side, which was clearly flawed, wanted to make this man love me.
    Convinced there was something I could do to get him to see that if he could focus on one woman, I could be all he ever needed. He couldn’t see it and I could no longer existence in this relationship. Yet, despite every desperate attempt to free myself from the bondage, I ended each day feeling more defeated than the previous.

    Why was I so helpless when it came to this man?
    Whether you’re a religious person or not, soul ties is a theory that can be explained and understood by anyone. It’s the idea that certain actions can connect you to a person and cause you to bond in a way that is not easily broken. Typically, soul ties are said to come from sex. It’s the physical act of giving yourself to another person that makes you vulnerable to such a connection.
    In a healthy relationship, sexual intercourse is used to unify two people in a way that is nurturing and empowering. It is the manner in which a couple shows their love and commitment to one another. However, in a volatile, hostile or unhealthy relationship like mine, sex causes you to tie your soul to someone who is disempowering and damaged.
    While it is fairly easy to recognize healthy and emotionally rich soul ties, it is not as easy to identify the unhealthy ones. As a woman who has experienced both, I offer these signs. Here is how you know you your soul is tied to an unhealthy person:

    1) Intercourse isn’t an act of celebration and procreation in your relationship.
    Engaging in intercourse with your partner is something that should be enjoyable. It intertwines your energies and should leave you both feeling loved, adored, appreciated and gratified. If you are engaging in intercourse with your partner, but you are left feeling hollow, unappreciated, used, or dirty, you are experiencing a negative emotional reaction to your mate in a way that should be addressed. If there is no resolution or if the reason for your experience is based on the state of the relationship, it’s time to separate.

    2) You obsess over your love in a detrimental way.
    Your thoughts about your partner invade your mind in a forceful way that is never positive. You constantly are dreading the next time you will be in their presence. You are haunted by the idea of what they may be doing and who they may be with, and/or you are unable to disconnect from the pain of past hurt caused by them. These feelings may exist even after the relationship has ended.

    3) Without realizing it, you inherently embody their behaviors.
    I remember when I left my relationship I unknowingly started treating people the same way my ex treated me. I was so tied to my ex that I had adopted his ways. They say that you have to be careful because if you lay down with dogs, you are bound to get up with fleas. This saying reminds us that there is no way around it; you will ultimately become who you exchange with in the physical sense, so be mindful about who you choose.

    4) Your support base is dwindling.
    My friends were exhausted trying to support me in this toxic love affair. My family was overflowing with frustration. Everyone around me could see that this relationship was dragging me down, but no one knew how to assist me. When your soul is tied to a person in a harmful way, you will drain everything around you. No matter how miserable you are, you will make excuses for why you cannot or will not leave. When pressured by those who love you, you may even be willing to terminate your relationship with them if it means you can hold on to your lover. This is the power of an unhealthy soul tie.

    5) A negative soul tie is evidenced by the constant feeling of being tormented.
    If you want to know if you are connected to a person in a destructive way, monitor how you feel on a daily basis. Examine how you feel in their company. If you are living in a constant state of sadness, hopelessness, confinement, and depression, you’re bonded to your partner in a several unhealthy ways. A negative soul tie will cause you to believe that love is supposed to feel like sadness and misery, where you are unable to see no light at the end of the tunnel.

    The feeling or attempt to disconnect yourself from someone is the first sign that something isn’t right. We do not separate or distance ourselves from the things that bring us pleasure. The upside is that there is hope for severing the connection. It begins with a decision to live and love differently. Know that just as daunting as negative soul ties can be, positive soul ties are equally as powerful.
    Tying yourself to the wrong person is the most influential love lesson you will learn in this lifetime. It prepares you for the world in a way that only pain and heartache can. The beauty is it teaches you everything that love is not, and moving forward you get to choose differently.

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    CELEBRITY GOSSIP

    SEX FOR GIG: What Video Vixens Go Through To Appear In Those Videos…

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    Former vixen Quinn Mona

    A video vixen recently disclosed through a Twitter page dubbed weird confessions Uganda that for all the time she had spent appearing in musicians’ videos, she was paid with sex, hard drugs and alcohol. She accused producers of feeding on empty promises.

    “Guys, I’ll never wish this life on anyone. Those girls are manipulated, some are pretty young and naïve and are introduced to hard drugs and alcohol addiction. Have you ever gotten a gig, they promised you money, then at the end you’re told, the money will come, let the video first become popular but drink all,” reads part of the post

    Besides the poster, many other girls have found themselves in the same situation and gradually ruined their lives. There are also those that are eating big from appearing in music videos.

    According to former vixen Quinn Mona, it starts with the way the girls present themselves for the business.

    Mona, who currently runs Quin modeling agency, an agency that connects vixens with producers, says there are situations when these girls wish to feature in videos with the intention of appearing on television or chilling with celebrities. She also lists the qualities of a good video vixen as looking nice and having a nice body.

    “There are girls who come with excitement to be with the musicians and are ready to do anything so she finds the artist already using substances and because she wants to fit in, she will do the same,” she explains

    However, it’s a different story with those who come strictly for business.

    “Musicians actually  pay. Those who are not paid are those who come with the intention of just appearing in a video. Many times, these girls are not after money. They are swayed by the allure of appearing on screen. Such girls are usually approached by musicians for relationships and after they are dumped, they bring their issues to the public,” she explained

    She continues to explain that the payment varies with how one expresses themselves. “If you present yourself as classy and have dignity, then your payment will be high compared to those who come with excitement. There are situations where producers dress the vixens. This is usually done by producer Nolton and George but there are also situations where they ask you to dress yourself,” she said

    About not getting paid, she says her agency upgraded the vixen’s charges and she currently deals with those who can pay Shs500,000 and above. She doesn’t sign models and all the girls she works with are freelancers.

    “I get their pictures and get them gigs and through that, they also get connected. There are also situations where you are down and agree to work for Shs30,000 or Shs50,000,” Mona said.

    Video Vixen turned actress Uwera Mbabazi  says not every girl goes through what the confessor is going through. She adds to Mona’s voice and says: “It depends on much the vixen wants that gig because for all the time I spent as a vixen, I can promise you that I never smoked, used drugs or alcohol but I used to work, get paid by those who would pay though there those who would not pay so it depends on what exactly that vixen wants because no one can force you to smoke or do drugs,” she said

    About not being paid, Uwera said it happens though it sometimes depends on how you introduce yourself in the industry.

    She explains that when a girl presents herself as a low-life slut or first sleeps with the director or with the artist, she is taken like that. They never get serious with but if she means serious business from day one, then they will also mean business

    “Before I could start moving to come to set, I have to know the amount I am going to work for, I have to know about the costumes whether it is me to provide or them providing, I have to know what is going to be facilitated so it depends on how someone introduces themselves to the industry.

    She further addresses the issue of little pay and says, it is kicking many girls out of business. “Sometimes the main vixen is paid Shs 100,000 and the extras are paid less than that. Sometimes that 100 has your costumes, transport and food,” she reveals

    Video Producer Nolton/George told Top Secrets, a sister publication to theGrapevine that he doesn’t disagree with the confession but to an extent, he says it’s not true to say that some vixens don’t understand the dynamics of the business they are in.

    “How can someone call you today or tomorrow that you should feature in someone’s video and you don’t get on the table to discuss a fee or have a Memorandum of Understanding  (MOU) on how to operate!” he wondered

    “If I call you today and you’re supposed to feature in an artiste’s video, I expect you to give me your rate card and we discuss it and it is only business that binds us. Once we finished, there is no more discussions until I have another gig. So that’s what happens,” he added

    He also reveals that Quin Mona gets him all the girls they use in their videos and also gets to see that vixen physically on set.

    He says that there is no specific payment for vixens. “The payment varies according to the discussion between the producer and the agent because some vixens will be like me. I just want to appear in a video. I don’t care whether they pay me or not and others will mean strictly business and tell you the amount of money they want to be paid for the kind of gig. Sometimes payment is discussed according to the project,” he explained.

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    CELEBRITY GOSSIP

    CONFESSION: I Slept With Lecturers For Marks But Got Retakes Instead…

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    Students usually get the best time of their lives while at the university or other tertiary institutions. You have fun, if you wish, every time can be leisure time.

    And if bad luck befalls you like Sharifah, a student at Makerere University, your so-called friends can lead you into sin and all can be in vain.

    Sharifah like any other finalist was looking for her marks to celebrate with her friends who had excelled highly. They had spent their three years partying, moving to places and reading less but somehow always excelled. However, this time, two of her marks were not good. They called for a retake.

    “After seeing my results and my friends’ I realized that I am the only one that wasn’t going to graduate because of retakes. I talked to my friends with whom I was moving with from place to place, ignoring classes and asked them on how I could get help, she narrates.

    Sharifah was surprised to see all her friends had excelled and they told her that their issues were already sorted before the results were pinned on the notice board. “I was really disappointed with my friends for leaving me out in such a situation,” she said.

    Her friends told her they had to deal with each lecturer of the course units so as to be cleared and be ready to graduate.

    “In my mind I thought it was a matter of paying money to sort things out. I even started planning on how to get the money until I realized that the situation was different and my friends meant that they had slept with lecturers for marks,” she explains.

    Sharifah’s friends confirmed that they had slept with different lecturers for their marks. She was told to do the same.

    At first, she felt like it was not an easy move but every time she listened to her mother asking God to make her daughter graduate, she got a little step closer to accepting.

    “I was not ready to let my mother down. I was the only hope of excellence in academics so I had to do this,” she said. The first lecturer, (faculty and name withheld) told her to meet him at a hotel. She says that her experience with that particular lecturer was rough but she had to finish what she had started with two more lecturers.

    “Things went on really fast with the two the two lecturers. I met one in the morning and the other one in the afternoon. I was so depressed and lost with the entire situation. However, I focused on the goal which was graduating with some good grades. I pulled myself together,” she said.

    Time passed and Sharifah did not see any change in her results. She waited for her name in the graduates’ book but it wasn’t included.

    I continued to be patient but that did not yield any good result. I asked my friends about how they did it to get the immediate results and all they could say was I wait for it to be worked on but they seemed like something wasn’t right.

    “Two days to the graduation, mother was already around asking why my name was not in the graduation book,” he said.

    The result led Sharifah to the lecturers who laughed it off and said the institution did not operate the way Sharifah was driving it.

    “They laughed and said that’s not how things work in academics and that it was my fault if I didn’t graduate. Their role as lecturers was to teach and assign tests, course work and exams. One said my hard work was supposed to be shown in the papers, not in bed. One of them called me a bad performer and a slut.

    Feeling lost, Sharifah narrated everything to her friends. They were also surprised to know that she had slept with men for marks. She said they all laughed and called her names. Her friends had let me down. They said it was a test that I failed and I wondered why they would do that to me.

    “They claimed to be disappointed in me yet I came out of the entire situation as a loser after everything I went through. I slept with men for marks and I didn’t get them, I realized I had spent my precious time with b*tches,” she said

     

    By Shakirah Namyalo

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    CELEBRITY GOSSIP

    TAKING ‘KA-CHAI’ ON THE RISE: Why 70% Ugandans Are Turning To Cocaine And Drugs…

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    In 2021, Dr. Juliet Nakku the Executive Director of Butabika National Referral Mental Hospital told the MPs who were touring the facility that most of her patients suffered from mental illnesses related to substance abuse and depression.

    The following year, Dr. Nakku said that over 70% of patients admitted at Butabika hospital were young people battling with drug abuse, alcohol and other mental illnesses.

    The increasing number of mental patients over drug abuse has not deterred Ugandans from using drugs. They are using every excuse to get close to the illicit substances.

    Some big hotels sell tea laced with drugs (marijuana). In street slang, it is called Ka-chai or Herbal tea.  It is freely hawked by tea boys and girls who do deliveries in plush offices. They sell a cup at Shs10,000. It costs differently in some big hotels that sell it. A consistent consumer of Ka-chai told theGrapevine that tea laced with drugs is not only a brain booster but also herbal medicine for ulcers.

    Musician Winnie Nwagi recently defended tea laced with drugs. She admitted to taking it for the medicinal value.

    This unique tea’s main ingredient is marijuana. Other ways marijuana is consumed is through smoking in joints like cigarettes. It is used in the making of ‘ekibanga’ where it is rolled in tobacco leaves. Some musicians use it to get Dutch Courage before hitting the stage to perform.

    Other drugs Ugandans are turning to are cocaine which is consumed through snorting, smoking, injecting and freebasing using a lighter/fire and a spoon.

    A source from Namuwongo slum area revealed to theGrapevine that a dose of cocaine costs about Shs7000- Shs10000 depending on the supplier. He explained that the young people who use it sometimes end up stealing after they get high.

    Cocaine methamphetamine aka meth is sometimes formed of crystals, powders and pills. It is sometimes consumed by smoking, snorting, and injections or orally ingested.

    Heroin is another drug abused by many. It is in powder form and is usually dark grey or white. Heroin is also consumed by sniffing, injection and freebasing.

    The above mentioned drugs are very popular in the corporate world, rich families, amongst entertainers and some students who have access to free movement.

    Students in the boarding section usually do Kuber drugs. They say it helps to keep them awake and sober during their stay at school. This is taken by putting the kuber seed under the tongue or the gap between the lower lip and the teeth. It is usually peer influence that drives them.

    Chewing Khat (Miraa) is very popular among the youths and in the ghettos. Motorcyclists who ride during the night also use it to keep sober.

    It is sometimes taken with chewing gum like Big G, PK, carrots, dry meat, G. nuts and Mondia Whytei aka omulondo. Young people in the ghettos and the streets survive on sniffing aviation fuel.

    From a professional point of view, former ED for Butabika referral hospital, Dr. David Basangwa said drugs, ka-chai in particular, have no medical benefit other than boosting the brain which later becomes physiological.

    He explained that anything that contains marijuana and is confirmed that the content contains marijuana, is certainly a very dangerous drug and is highly addictive and once one is addicted to it, it causes a number of health complications and social complications.

    “People cannot properly work, they get sick and one of the common problems is mental confusion which certainly impairs their function at work and in society generally so one would appeal to such people that are using dangerous substances to completely keep off,” he said

    He said drugs can boost in the initial stage and hours when they have just started using it but then with time, that boost goes off and they find themselves getting a higher dose.

    “The dose the person takes today will not give the same boost tomorrow and the other day. They keep increasing the doses to be boosted. Now that in itself means they are getting more and more addicted which is dangerous. Now time comes when even that boost does not come at all, instead they get complications of health and in terms of functioning and when you don’t get the effect you look for, that’s when some people progress to other drugs,” he concluded

     

    By Rahma Zawedde

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